A Simple ‘What I feel’ Post

After long days, I am back to Blogger. Several things changed in this two-year time. Primarily, I changed. Just to enunciate the change of direction happened to me, I would say, “Time always gives you an experience. You may feel it good or sometimes, bad. But, they happen for a reason, to push you forward with better energy.”

This is not a comeback post or a confession for not writing for so long. I still do not promise I would write on this platform every day. There is a broken laptop, a relocation happening in a week, and several other excuses that I can point out for going to miss writing on Blogger. So, this is simply a ‘what I feel’ post.

I sit here, within the four walls of a dusty messy room, filled with books, clothes, bags, computer, and many more things I fail to recognize. And, I imagine a 10-year old girl. She was lively, enthusiastic and cheerful. The world around her was nothing of what she dreamt of. She never had a similar kind of life like that of her friends. Instead, she had a rare story which you are yet to witness in movie or read in your most fabulous book. Through that rare story of her life, she walked ahead with her head high. May be for now, I would leave the girl to grow in your mind.

Instead, I can say the reason why I imagine her. I imagine her due to the power she showcased to walk ahead. She was so strong that she could simply decide to change a habit of hers, and begin doing it the next moment. She could plan a vision for her and begin working on it from the next second. It is not that she begin doing things, she did things consistently for so long that she always won.

I miss being that 10-year old girl. Each one of us miss being her in one way or the other. But, as someone said, there is no wrong time in doing right things. Let us go back to that childhood days of ours, where we were ‘less’ complicated companions of ourselves. Let us take a moment out from our busy life to think if we are on our right path, to think if we are happy, to think if we are making others happy. Importantly, let us imagine if we’re doing things what we actually wanted to do.

A Wedding Day Memory

The morning fog was not evident due to the rainfall last night. The rain drops usurped the place of dew drops on the leaves. Birds did not chirp, perhaps they laid frozen due to the morning chillness. The stray dogs abandoned their regular spots on the roadside. The sky had an extraordinary gloomy appeal. To that silent morning, I woke up. The day was not mine. It was that of my sister’s. It was the day her wedding bell has to ring. She woke up at her usual time, went ahead with her routines. The rest four members in the house were already ready by then.

She took a longer time to bath. Everybody was anxiously waiting outside. She came out fresh, with no specific reaction on her face. The gathered ones around could not read what is in her mind. She walked silently into the room. She changed her wet clothing into the recently purchased black and white kurthi. She brushed her hair for a longer time. She could not tie it as she usually does, because her long hair refused to dry soon. She just took a hand kerchief and her mobile phone from the shelf.

She walked out, with her regular smile. I was standing near the door, waiting for her. A few members from the neighborhood came to take a glance. Somebody suggested getting blessings before stepping out. Everything was silent. There were no murmurs, nor any laughs. Somebody reminded to take snaps. I ran inside to take the phone. It was kept switched off to get its battery charged faster. It took time to get it switched on. She stood facing north to the rising sun, in front of the lamp. The elders came to her one by one. She touched their feet and they blessed. The phone got switched on slower and obviously, I missed few snaps.

Now it is time to go. She stepped outside and walked towards the staircase. Those steps were not just few blocks of cement to her. They had welcomed her all these years, let her sit on their laps when she is sad and wished her good bye every time she went to office. No idea if she bid them good bye within her heart. But, I felt they blessed her.
We walked towards the car parked near the gate. Stranger the day that we did not look back to wave hands to the people outside. She sat inside silently. I sat beside, with the an empty mind. I did not know what to tell her. I just told the driver the place to go.

We stopped in front of the temple. No poojas were done, but the priest asked us what the purpose of visit when we kept Rs. 50 as dakshina. We had to tell him it was her d-day. He went inside, took a bottle of payasam and gave us. He asked us to visit the temple together again. For the first time in the day, I felt happy and peaceful. Perhaps, I took it as a sign of blessing from God.

We headed straight to the beauty parlor. The parlor was empty, except for two kids and the beautician herself. Beautician looked angry, may because we were late. She silently stood for dressing. Being a tomboy myself, I had no role to play. I stood beside them and watched silently as she was adorned in her wedding sari. She looked gorgeous. I could see her happy and smiling. She did not seem to miss the hurried noisy atmosphere of a marriage make up do. One hour of dressing, she was all set for the marriage.

The groom’s party dropped in late. They had nothing to do, except to take her to their vehicle. I silently walked down alone to the car. I did not know, if I told the driver to go back to home. He began driving. For me, more than the physical, it was a journey of thoughts. Was this the way a girl enters into her dream day? I do not know. But, I knew one thing – today was my sister’s marriage and it was not a fiction.

An Object Drawing

This was another trial in charcoal pencil. Although the picture dates back to 2009, re-winding the memories remind me of the level of patience I had before. Now I cannot sit at a place longer than an hour (Perhaps, I sit for long hours before Facebook) and I cannot remember a time I hold pencil. I agree, smartphones and social networking websites have definitely eased our life. But, it as also taken few valuable things away from us. Wish to trace back the roads!

A Walk to Bus Station

In the midst of the trees that droops the morning dew drops, I walked fast, though not quickly enough to prevent the swirl of winds from lashing my neatly combed hair. I am on my way to office, waking up earliest ever in my life, at 6am in the morning. The road was lonely, but less scary due to the presence of buildings on either side. Although lifeless, those buildings silently reinforced me that I am walking through a township. The atmosphere was cold and it was less predictable that the morning was one in summer.

The smell of freshness filled the air, spreading divinity around. I could hear an unknown proclamation from the depth of the sky that the day is going to be sacred and peaceful. Cheerfully, I took the turn on the main road to the bus station. There were few vegetable vendors, transferring goods from the carrier. The busy work was not a hurdle for them to turn their heads to me. The archetypical staring of men when they see an object called “woman” untimely on road was apparent on their faces. There was more of a challenge, because this object was wearing a jeans pant that clearly displayed the size of her thighs. In addition, this object even accommodated a shirt that was not long enough to cover her buttocks.

I had no time to argue about the morality codes or freedom of women in society. Rather, I continued to step forward sternly, with my head high. Unconsciously, my body exemplified my thought, “I am dignified lady, who possess an equal right to walk on road as you”.

Craze for Fancy Numbers: An Inexplicable Love

“Height of fancy number craze: Rs. 13L for 8 Zeros” – Today’s The New Indian Express published a news about an NRI industrialist and hotelier who spent Rs. 13 lakhs, to get a mobile number ending in eight consecutive zeros in an auction conducted by BSNL. The report went on to say that the number of people who come to get fancy numbers from BSNL shows a steep rise in Kerala. Some other reports quote that the people who buy luxury cars and fancy numbers for the vehicles too are on rise in the State. The trend is a sign of increase of affluent class in the State.

While writing this, the picture that runs through my mind is that of a Keralite dressed in his traditional dhoti (the loving ‘mundu’ for us), with heavy gold chains wrapped around the neck and wrist, standing beneath the board of a 50% discount announcement bill in a super market. He would even search for the freebies on the rack. The willingness to spend lakhs for a fancy mobile number and the unwillingness to pay the MRP rate for household things are two contrasting faces of a Malayali. It sounds funny, yet true!

Now the question raised is how do you reason the trend of spending lakhs to buy a fancy mobile number? One cannot state a definite reason to support this craze. I would state it useless, as it seems like a mere waste of money to flaunt for no reasons. The occupancy of a costly, fancy mobile number will not be evident even to the person sitting beside. The luxury car, to the least, is a material to flaunt. But, as the media do not even reveal the name of the person who purchase this fancy number, the ‘affluent’ and his ‘fancy number’ stays hidden forever.

The trend is partly comparable to that of ‘fanship’ in some ways. The fanship too is an endless craze, which has no cure or meaning. However, the craze to film stars can be justified in some aspects. The characters in the film unleash the piled up the emotion of the people, which cannot be released otherwise. The stars inspire the mass, establish an unseen subconscious link with them and create a sort of relationship, which in turn becomes admiration in later stages. Such an explanation cannot be given for the craze for fancy numbers.

Perhaps, it is like buying shirts of your favorite color even if it is of the same design and pattern. Ridiculous, but hard to control!